My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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