Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
