maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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