She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
