First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My hand turned me down
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
