You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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