Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
