did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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