If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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