Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
