My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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