I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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