So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
