i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
