Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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