Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
