There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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