That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
