Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
