He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
