Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm passing your future prison.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
