Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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