Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
