I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
