between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
