Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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