She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
