i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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