I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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