I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Did I show you my penis last night?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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