I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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