My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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