he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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