Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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