I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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