how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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