Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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