i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
