Yo dont text me then not text me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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