the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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