my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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