the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
