I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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