I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
