I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
