How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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