this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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