I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
