so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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