Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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